Jeeps Are For Girls

Been looking through old pics of us from THAT summer.         

Swimming at the river

Jeeping HatsThat summer we played on borrowed time.

 Slipping away at the drop of a hat.

So far past caring what the other’s thought.

Texting each other, “What you doing?”

Was just our code for,”Come on, lets go!”

That summer we swam half naked in the river,

Dipping low as the canoers paddled on by.

Running on the beach slow motion, Bo Derrick style.

That summer we let the wind take our troubles

On the tail of the words we sang right out loud.

Laughing and crying and baring our souls

That summer my white jeep was our steed

We rode it slow and easy away from our cares.

 

That summer of 2011

That summer of freedom

I sure miss that summer

I miss us.

I call Girls Day (and Night)  

Jeepin girls

Jeeps are for girls

In my old jeep

                                                                                                                                                                                                      

When it’s Good and warm!

Pinky Swear???

Silly Boys Jeeps are for Girls


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Blessed Blue Aura

blue christmas

blue christmas (Photo credit: rojam)

I started this post before Christmas. I just got busy and never finished…thought I”d go ahead and put it out there even though it’s past due.

Such a busy month looming right ahead of me! Starting this weekend, the first weekend of December 2012, holiday cheer will be spread every weekend of the month. I should be cleaning and scrubbing and doing the wash. But I keep feeling a memory tugging at me. It began at work. The gym of the school, decorated like a huge Christmas fantasy by the custodian, contains a tree decked out in solid blue lights.

Oh my! The impact that solid blue lights have had on my life. It’s the most magical of all magics dreamed up in my childhood. My mother adorned our tree every year that I can remember in all blue lights. Sometimes as a wee girl,I really wished for multi-colored lights. But now as an adult, I so cherish the feeling of a solid blue tree. The bulbs of my childhood were huge and cast a beautiful hue that filled that darkened dining room where our tree stood each year. I remember staring at it and blurring out the world as all my hopes and dreams of Christmas night danced in my head. The excitement it created in my little heart blooms every time I see such a sight to this day. The feelings are so old and familiar but somehow I cannot recreate them until the blue lights catch my eye.

The blue lights create a holy aura and I reflect on Mother Mary and her newborn babe, Jesus. Such a peaceful calm overcomes me and a deep love of my life and my family surrounds me as I cast back.  I remember the Christmas Eve car rides with mom and dad to see all the pretty Christmas decorations of our townsfolk. I remember mom running back into the house for some forgotten thing after we were already packed into the station wagon. We never figured out that she was Santa,  working hastily to pull things out of her closet and place them just so before running back out to join us in the car.

We only knew that upon returning home we would find that Santa had paid a visit. I remember the wonderful brown paper bags scattered around the tree, each with a name for every one of us children.  Those blue lights bring the ecstasy of reaching into those brown bags and finding that special gift. We never realized that many times they were hand me down toys from some other child. A toy was a toy and we didn’t care if it had some dings or imperfections. It was prized in it’s newness to us.

We opened gifts from each other and the torn, discarded wrapping paper would pile so high that it was thrilling in itself.  Excitement revealed itself as board games and new dollies and walkie talkies and books appeared. Mom and Dad would share a glass of Egg Nog, spiked just a tad, and mom would kiss his cheek. We snacked on nuts and tangerines and hard candy as we shared our gifts with each other all evening until it was time for Midnight Mass.

Even now, as I see solid blue lights adorning some house,  my memory flashes to our old Christmas lights in that dining room. It seems to me we were illuminated in a blessed soft blue aura swirling around us,  pulling us closer and binding us to one another, forever.

Again

I pray the Lord
I do this right.

I pray the Lord
To give me insight.

I pray the Lord
For I have no fight.

I pray the Lord
While I take flight.

~Sara Jane~

Sweetness

My daughter, Allison and son, Levi about 14 yrs ago

Little boy laughter
Come wrestle with me
Sparkle my eyes
With mischievous glee.

Little girl giggle
Come dance with me
Twinkle my life
With love so free.

Laugh and giggle
Dance and wrestle
Sparkle and twinkle
Gleeful life, mischievous love.

~Sara Jane~

Full Circle

So, here I am once again missing my little birds. My three children have grown, taken flight. They are each living in different states. James is in Indiana, Allison in Arizona and Levi now lives  in Arkansas . These three states now hold my heart. I pray they go gently on my children, allowing them to prosper, grow and find love.

Don’t get me wrong, I am loving my little empty nest. I have no regrets that they are now soaring and testing their freedoms. I love to see how their lives are unfolding. But sometimes the ache is there as I live among all these memories. My children’s spirits as babies, toddlers, preteens, teens and young adults float beside me always. All I need do is to pluck a moment and there they all are, laughing, crying, fighting, loving, here with me again. But still I am excited for our future reunions. I’m excited for the new life they will bring back home with them. I am filled with joy and love when I realize what we have become.

While looking through some of my old writings I came across the following short blog that I wrote on my old MySpace account. It took me right back to the beginning of my children’s flight to total independence. College was finally finished and they were seriously moving out on their own. Packing up whatever they could fit into their beat-up old cars and moving out to Phoenix, AZ. I felt a certain excited, nostalgic confusion. It was a time of letting go and a time of looking ahead for all of us.

So this week I have been diggin up bones. It’s amazing how much we humans accumulate without even realizing it. I’m braving the trenches of our closets and pulling out everything we’ve outgrown, forgotten about, tired of, and just plain never cared for. It’s all going down in our family garage sale. The profits of which will go to help the two eldest in their huge adventure and move to Phoenix   AZ. later this month. Blown away by the memories I’ve recovered. The sweet faces of my babies tucked away in tubs. Hastily scribbled notes to me from them…both sweet and angry. Funny misspelled little stories and left behind well-loved toys and stuffed animals. Every little thing I’ve kept brought back so many wonderful memories. All of which I’ve tucked back into the tubs and boxes for more years of safe keeping till the little ones are grown with their own little ones and would love to share memories of their youth with them.

I cannot believe the amount of stuff I have. I was worried I wouldn’t have enough stuff on my own and should ask others to join the garage sale. But jeez, I guess I haven’t moved in like six years now so stuff has accumulated.

I’ve outgrown the doll collection that I collected after dad’s death. I was missing mom and dad and had a turn of craziness and bought a lot of the same kind of dolls that mom had picked up right before her Alzheimer’s started to get so bad. I think they were a grieving thing for me, a way to deal with missing them. But now, I think I’m okay and ready to move on. I also started to collect Frankoma pottery like mom did and I think I’m ready to part with that too.

Anyways, I’m so way ready to have this sale over, clean up the house and get back to normal. We’re hoping to make enough to help them with gas or maybe some second hand furniture when they get out there as all they are taking is what they can fit in three cars.

And here we are five years later. The youngest son has now moved a few states away while the oldest son has moved backed from Phoenix to a much closer two hours’ drive from me. My middle child and only daughter is now married and expecting her first baby. They also have plans to bring their little family closer to home. They bring me stories. Stories that make me chuckle. In these stories I hear them testing and using some of the same lessons I taught them so many years ago as a young mother. Do they realize some of these lessons were passed down to me from my mother? It seems our lives really are all about circles. As I feel our little family circle becoming complete once more, I rejoice and feel a smile beginning deep down in my soul.

Quiet Is The Morning

On little kitten paws
Tomorrow becomes today
We groan and turn
Holding on to dreams

And today nudges
As reality teases
Still we fight
The dawn

Quiet is the morning
Holding all it’s possibilities
Gentle is the sun
Before it decides how the day must be

                                                                  ~Sara Jane~

Safe

I keep myself
In a box
Somewhere
Safe

Sometimes
I escape
And the wounding
Happens

I gather myself
And take inventory
Tucking me in
Again

Sigh and breath
Glance and dream
Hold and love
Safe in a box

~Sara Jane~

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